What Mirror Me Helped Me See

Written by Erin Bakker

We spend a great deal of time thinking about the homes and lives we are building. We notice what needs to be repaired, rearranged or strengthened around us. But some of the most important work we will ever do happens within us.

My friends and clients Jackie and Kris Laidlaw understand that kind of rebuilding in a deeply personal way. Their book, Mirror Me: Art of Self-Reflection, tells the story of a sober, ADHD couple learning to create a healthier and more intimate marriage through faith, accountability and honest self-reflection.

It is not a story about two people who found a perfect formula. It is about two imperfect people who stopped concentrating solely on what the other person needed to fix and became willing to look in the mirror.

I Saw Myself in Their Story

I have ADHD, at the very least. Sometimes I wonder whether I may also have AudHD, which is discussed in the book. My boys have ADHD too, so neurodiversity is not an abstract subject in our house. It affects how we think, communicate, manage emotions and respond to expectations.

I also related deeply to Jackie’s struggles with her thyroid and the connection between physical and emotional health. There were parts of her story that gave language to experiences I recognized but had never fully connected. I learned a great deal from her while reading this book.

That is one of the strengths of Mirror Me. I think it would be difficult to read it without recognizing either yourself or someone you love. The book explores addiction, ADHD, ODD, parenting, perfectionism, codependency, hormones, trauma, faith, boundaries, intimacy and the exhaustion of trying to manage work and family life.

There are many possible entry points into this story.

Beyond Sobriety

Alcohol and recovery are important parts of Jackie and Kris’s journey, but putting down alcohol was only the beginning. They eventually discovered the need for what they call emotional sobriety: learning to recognize what is happening internally before reacting from fear, resentment, defensiveness or an old wound.

The mirror in Mirror Me is not intended to shame us. It is a tool for understanding ourselves. Instead of focusing only on what another person did wrong, mirror work asks us to consider what a difficult moment may be revealing.

What am I contributing to this pattern? Is my reaction entirely about what is happening now? What need have I failed to communicate? Am I expecting someone else to heal something I have not been willing to face within myself?

That kind of accountability can be uncomfortable, but Jackie and Kris present it as a path toward greater freedom, self-trust and emotional safety.

The Emotional Life of a Home

We put tremendous thought into making our homes functional, comfortable and beautiful. But every home also has an emotional architecture.

It is shaped by how we speak to one another, how we recover after conflict and whether people feel safe expressing their needs. It is shaped by whether children are taught to fear their emotions or understand them.

Jackie writes honestly about changing her approach to parenting as she began recognizing patterns from her own childhood. Her desire to create secure attachments, practice co-regulation and respond with greater compassion shows how personal healing can change an entire household.

The book also makes room for physical health, breathwork, therapy, faith and play. Jackie and Kris remind us that a marriage cannot exist indefinitely as a shared list of responsibilities. Laughter, movement and ordinary moments of fun can help two people find each other again.

Building From the Inside Out

I recently had the privilege of supporting Jackie and Kris when they were invited to share their story during a filming of Russell Brand’s podcast. Watching my friends bring such a personal story into a much larger conversation was incredibly special.

There is courage in talking openly about the parts of life most people would prefer to keep hidden. Jackie and Kris do not package their story into a neat before and after. They write about the continuing work of understanding themselves, repairing what has been hurt and choosing connection again.

Mirror Me is not only for couples navigating addiction. It is for anyone trying to understand why certain patterns keep repeating or why connection can feel difficult even when love is present.

A well-built life requires many of the same things as a well-built home: a sound foundation, regular attention and honest repairs. Jackie and Kris are not offering a blueprint for a perfect marriage. They are showing what can happen when two people become willing to care for what they are building together.

Perhaps that is the real art of self-reflection. We do not look into the mirror to catalogue everything wrong with us. We look long enough to understand what belongs to us, what can be healed and what we are ready to build differently.

Learn more about Jackie and Kris Laidlaw and Mirror Me: Art of Self-Reflection at jackielaidlaw.com. Also buy the Book!